Fed Up With Promiscuous HEs? Don’t Blame Biology, Query Socialization

In some remote village at the heart of Africa’s east gate, a heavily expectant woman checks-in at the health center. Her time is due and her agony throws the clinic into a commotion. Moments later, she gifts the world two adorable little humans. It’s a boy and a girl, the midwife exclaims in joy, wiping off drops of sweat from her forehead. Mom and dad are so excited; Mary and Martin will be their names, they agree amid sobs and tears of joy.

Five years later, Mary has been accustomed to sticking around mama whenever she is at home, observing her closely as she performs the household duties. Once in a while mama throws some counsel at Mary; it may not make much sense at her tender age but her soft brain is absorbing every word of wisdom leaving mama’s mouth. All the while, Martin has learned to abide by his strict time budget; on the to-do-list are three special activities – play-eat-sleep, which the young lad observes religiously without fail. Mary has similar tasks on her to-do-list, but for Martin, play is his main preoccupation.

At age ten, the twins are in their 5^th grade and have since developed special interest in specific fields. Mary wants to be an entrepreneur while Martin wants to be a banker when they grow up. Play still occupies much of their time when at home. But Mary grabs a chance once in a while to be with mama or papa. While Martin has become an independent lad, who is seen at home only when he’s doing his schoolwork, or having his meals. And there is an implied excuse of his absence – ‘he’s a man he can take care of himself’; and sure he does take care of himself, at least for now.

Since the age of five, parents of Mary and Martin occasionally discuss about sexuality with their children. However, the close bond between Mary and her parents gives both parties an opportunity to follow up on the sexuality talks, while Martin whose level of bonding with his parents is wanting, due to his frequent mysterious disappearances, whenever mama and papa are around, hardly gives thought to the information passed across during the last sexuality discussion. All thanks to the massive contrasting knowledge he is harvesting from his peers.

At age fifteen, the house is now a grown-ups zone as the two teenagers fiercely approach adulthood. Mary, a young woman now, understands too well the meaning of dignity and self-respect. Through the daily wisdom from mama, she has learned to define her boundaries; she is a right and wrong ambassador. Her peers look up to her for direction. The values passed down to her by her parents coupled with her God-given wisdom are so much ingrained in her character that the hot blood pumping through her system, would take a lifetime to veer her off course. Her spirit and mind have been so empowered that her body has no option but to submit. Further, any misleading popular beliefs from peers would not go past the first check-point, in her ‘right and wrong’ conscious mind.

On the other hand, Martin is under the spell of the implied excuse of absence mantra – ‘he’s a man he can take care of himself’. What everyone overlooked was that Martin’s absence from his parents during the formative years of his life, meant presence somewhere else. Lack of quality time with his parents deprived him quality information and counsel that would have helped shape his value system. The little counsel he obtained during his brief appearances, was being diluted by the juicy wholesale misinformation he was receiving from peers.

To the young aspiring banker, dignity and self-respect can only make sense, if he’s allowed to define them using words that favor him. In his opinion, peers and popular culture are the ultimate determinants of what is right or wrong. They fondly refer to it as ‘modern world reality’. But in actual sense, Martin is yet to identify with his authentic identity, and so there are no boundaries when it comes to his life hence body. Anyone who wants to have a piece of him is welcome to do so. From time to time his parents or sister will sit him down and talk some sense into him but unfortunately, it’s a little too late. His spirit and mind are too deprived and depraved, to steer his coal-hot blooded body in the right direction.

Ten years later, both Mary and Martin are established and excelling in their individual careers. As an entrepreneur, Mary meets potential suitors every other day, who do not spare the poor lady some peace. Even the married tycoons do not hesitate to throw their nets at this eligible bachelorette, promising to graft her an empire out of their gigantic business empires. Mary is unmoved by their heavenly offers. She is clothed with dignity as of a garment. However, in the course of time, she meets a God-fearing and hardworking young man and gets married. They are blessed with three children, whom they take time to train in the way they should go. Their story continues to revolve along the lines of happily ever after, year in year out.

The banker on the other hand continues to excel in his career. He ascends from one rank to the other. However, his family life is riddled with ugly dramas. Ever since, Martin has never been a one woman man. His charm and charisma acts as a magnet that pulls ladies to him; in droves. And characteristic of him, he has never defined boundaries in his life, so he shelters every lonely and love hungry lady in vicinity. His marriage is a disaster, his naive wife hoped she would tame him once he says I do; talk of elusive dreams.

As the Martins approach mid-forties, their sons enter puberty and Martin’s wife is confronted with the challenge of taming his husband as well as his teenage sons. She spent most of her time during her sons’ formative years running after her husband. And spent less time molding her kids’ values. Now, her little boys risk turning out like their father. And they sure do.

In frustration Martin’s wife concludes that men are naturally promiscuous, and resigns to her fate. On the other hand, Mary is putting down her autobiography, which will bring out a whole different perspective of things that will set Mary and Martin’s wife two worlds apart.

Mary’s parenting mantra is ‘train a child in the way (s)he should go and when (s)he’s old (s)he will not depart from it’ Proverbs 22:6; and her life attests to it.